Salted Fish Chapter 41

 Chapter 41

The Fault is Mine

Xiao Jin clenched his fists, released them, and then clenched them again.

He looked at Liu Jingyi, closed his eyes briefly, and said each word deliberately, "You feel distressed for your father losing his position and for your brother being exiled. You are anxious about your own future. I can understand and am willing to understand all of this. But from beginning to end, while you worry about your family and yourself, have you ever considered my situation?"

Liu Jingyi's body trembled under the covers. She opened her eyes and stared blankly at the person beside the bed.

She saw that Xiao Jin's face, usually as gentle as jade, was now full of exhaustion. The aura of nobility was gone, and at this moment, he was just an ordinary man deeply troubled.

"Liu Jìngxuan was corrupt and reckless. If I had been behind his actions, then his exile would be my responsibility. But the truth is quite the opposite. I never instructed him. If I am to be despised by Father Emperor because of this, who can I turn to for justice?"

"You are unhappy and blame Third Brother for confirming the case. But if someone else had gone to Liangzhou, would your brother's fate have been merely exile to Suning? Others would have eagerly used him to bring about my downfall, without a thought of sparing his life."

"In the end, it was your brother's own wrongdoing. Third Brother was acting on Father Emperor's orders to investigate, and with Lord Zong by his side, how could he possibly cover up all of Liu Jingxuan's crimes?"

"Many people want to use this opportunity to drive a wedge between me and Third Brother. They keep saying that Third Brother deliberately wanted to weaken my support. But what does this have to do with Third Brother? What did he do wrong? Yes, if he did make a mistake, it was in going to Liangzhou on my behalf, doing everything he could to pull me out of this mess and protect me. If he hadn't gone, no one would blame or resent him, thinking he had ulterior motives. The fault is mine."

As Xiao Jin spoke, Liu Jingyi's tears never stopped. When he finished, she burst into loud sobs, "Your Highness, I didn't mean it that way. I just felt that Your Highness no longer trusts me because of my brother's actions. Outside the palace, I have no maternal family to rely on, and inside the palace, the matter of Lady Xu's pregnancy has been deliberately hidden from me by Your Highness. I am filled with fear and anxiety, not knowing whether Your Highness is afraid I will harm Lady Xu or thinks I am no longer capable of managing the inner court of the Eastern Palace."

"I have been plagued by doubts day and night. These past two days, I keep thinking, since the day I entered the Eastern Palace, when have I ever harmed anyone by Your Highness's side? Why does Your Highness no longer trust me now?"

As the Crown Princess, she shouldn't have said these words, but Xiao Jin's remarks proved that he had already developed a sense of estrangement towards her. If she remained silent, her position as Crown Princess would truly be at an end.

These past two days, with Liu Jingxuan being accused and her father implicated, she had already been feeling distressed. Upon suddenly hearing about Lady Xu's pregnancy, her already troubled heart became even more anxious.

Just as she said, she no longer had any external forces to rely on; the only person she could depend on was Xiao Jin. But Xiao Jin was the Crown Prince, and his mind was entirely focused on court affairs. He couldn't concern himself with the thoughts and feelings of the women in the inner court.

He was a man, and men were often indifferent, especially since Xiao Jin didn't have deep feelings for her. He valued her position as the Crown Princess, but he also indulged Lady Xu and others.

His heart was set on significant matters, leaving little room for romantic sentiments.

The Empress currently tolerated her because of the child she carried, but in the future, she might disdain her for not being of any help to the Crown Prince.

Moreover, with Lady Xu being pregnant, Xiao Jin deliberately kept it from her.

Liu Jingyi didn't want to think too much, yet she couldn't help but think. She couldn't voice these concerns; she was terrified.

She knew that Prince Li was innocent and shouldn't be blamed, and she knew that it was her brother who had committed the crimes. But she couldn't help but fantasize about how wonderful it would be if none of this had happened.

Now, Xiao Jin's words had completely awakened her.

Yes, she was the Crown Princess, but she had never considered Xiao Jin's situation from beginning to end.

Perhaps, subconsciously, she only saw the Emperor's favor towards Xiao Jin and the glory he enjoyed as the Crown Prince. But she forgot that the Crown Prince was also a prince.

If Xiao Jin made a significant mistake, the Emperor would not show mercy. Just as Xiao Jin could become the Crown Prince, other princes could also become the Crown Prince. As long as he hadn't secured that position, he was walking on a path lined with sharp blades.

A single misstep, and the sharp blades could wound someone.

Seeing Liu Jingyi crying uncontrollably and mentioning Lady Xu's pregnancy, Xiao Jin's handsome brows furrowed slightly. He said, "Regarding Lady Xu, I did not intentionally keep it from you. She was diagnosed with pregnancy only three days ago, coinciding with Father Emperor dealing with the officials from Jiangnan. You were already unsettled, and I feared this news would further disturb you."

"Moreover, my exact words were that I would personally inform you about Lady Xu's pregnancy, and no one else should speak of it lightly. When you first became pregnant, I didn't even hide the matter of Liu Jingxuan from you, so why would I think of hiding Lady Xu's pregnancy? You are the Crown Princess, and it is your responsibility to oversee matters concerning the concubines. Even if you are now far along in your pregnancy and lack the energy to manage these affairs, I would still inform you first before telling Mother Empress."

"I intended to wait a couple of days until you were calmer before bringing it up. But it seems my words hold little weight in the Eastern Palace, as someone still managed to relay the news to you."

Liu Jingyi looked at Xiao Jin, her gaze somewhat vacant.

Since she became pregnant, she could no longer attend to Xiao Jin. Although she was unwilling, she still instructed Lady Xu and others to serve him.

Previously, Xiao Jin did not want to have concubine-born children, and although the Empress wished for the Eastern Palace to have a grandson soon, she restrained herself. Thus, while she provided Lady Xu and others with contraceptive decoctions, she also helped Liu Jingyi nourish her body.

It was only recently that the Empress stopped giving the contraceptive decoctions to the other women.

Liu Jingyi never expected that Lady Xu would be so fortunate to conceive so quickly.

When she heard the news, she was filled with panic. She thought about her maternal family's current situation and had to consider the future of the child in her womb.

If she gave birth to a son and Lady Xu had a daughter, it would be fine. A slightly less favorable outcome would be if both gave birth to sons. The worst-case scenario would be if she had a daughter and Lady Xu had a son.

With the child still in her womb, no one could predict their fate.

How could she not be anxious?

Xiao Jin saw through Liu Jingyi's thoughts and sighed, "You have my respect in the Eastern Palace and Mother Empress' protection in the imperial palace. You have managed the inner court smoothly. But how can anyone's life be free of difficulties? If you become flustered at the slightest challenge, what will you do when faced with major storms?"

"Take the matter of the children, for example. Regardless of whether you give birth to a son or a daughter, and whenever they are born, they will be the legitimate heir or heiress. Just like Mother Empress, just like me. I originally thought you were wise and would easily understand this, so I always tried to guide you. I didn't expect you to be so absorbed in family matters, only thinking about your own suffering, sorrow, and resentment. This will inevitably harm you in the future."

"As for those who spread rumors in your ear, if there is someone behind them, I will find out. Think carefully about my words and get some rest."

After saying this, Xiao Jin stood up and left.

Liu Jingyi watched his departing figure, slowly raised her arm, and carefully placed her hand on her belly.

She took Xiao Jin's words to heart and would think them over, but she wouldn't place all her hopes on Xiao Jin. She knew she had to rely on herself to protect this child.

***

An hour later, Xiao Jin had an inner eunuch and a palace maid in the Eastern Palace executed by beating.

Then he went to see the Empress. Shortly after he left, the Empress first rewarded Lady Xu for her pregnancy, then moved Wang Zhaoxun* out of the Eastern Palace, citing her illness and the fear of her spreading it to the pregnant Crown Princess and Lady Xu, sending her outside to recuperate.

*a rank or title given to a concubine or a lady of the court.

After leaving the Empress, Xiao Jin had no desire to handle official duties and didn't want to return to the Eastern Palace, so he left the palace with Chang An.

Chang An knew that Xiao Jin was in a bad mood and didn't dare to say much. Watching Xiao Jin wander aimlessly, Chang An grew increasingly anxious.

They hadn't brought any guards with them, and if Xiao Jin encountered any danger, even ten heads wouldn't be enough to save him. No matter what, he had to persuade his master to prioritize safety.

So, Chang An pursed his lips and quietly suggested, "Your Highness, if we cross this street and turn the corner, we'll reach Prince Li's residence. You've been mentioning the Prince these past few days. Since you finally have some free time today, why not visit him?"

Among Xiao Jin's people, the term "Prince" specifically referred to Xiao Shan. If it were someone else, like Xiao Rong, they would certainly refer to him as Prince Rui.

Because Xiao Jin found the title "Li" unpleasant, he never allowed his servants to use it.

After hearing Chang An's suggestion, Xiao Jin stood still for a moment and then said, "Alright, let's go."

***

When Xiao Jin arrived at Prince Li's residence, Xiao Shan and Xie Zhui were in the courtyard grilling meat over a charcoal fire.

Upon hearing that Xiao Jin had arrived, Xiao Shan immediately stood up. He smiled at Xie Zhui and said, "Second Brother is here. Watch the fire and make sure the meat doesn't burn. I'll go greet him."

Xie Zhui nodded.

As soon as Xiao Shan stepped out of the courtyard, he saw Xiao Jin.

He quickly walked up and said, "Second Brother, why didn't you let me know in advance that you were coming? I could have prepared some good wine and dishes so we could have a proper drink together."

Seeing Xiao Shan lifted Xiao Jin's spirits a bit. He said, "Is it too late to prepare now?"

"Not at all, not at all. It's the perfect time for you to taste the skills of the chefs at my residence. They are no worse than those in your small kitchen," Xiao Shan said with a smile.

From a distance, Xiao Jin saw smoke rising from the back courtyard and asked in surprise, "Are you burning firewood in the courtyard?"

"No," Xiao Shan replied with a smile. "Xie Zhui and I were chatting about the roasted lamb he used to eat in the northern border. I got a craving, so I had someone bring out a charcoal fire to roast some lamb in the western courtyard."

"Doing it yourself has a unique flavor. Didn't you catch the aroma in the wind, Second Brother?"

As he said this, he waved his hand towards his nose to waft the scent.

Xiao Jin looked at him and then smiled as well, saying, "I did smell it."

Many times, Xiao Shan was a rather content person. Good food could make him very happy.

Getting a strong fighting cricket could also keep him happy for days.

Xiao Jin particularly liked this about him; a thousand worries couldn't compare to a good meal in his eyes.

When the brothers arrived at the western courtyard specially set up for grilling, Xie Zhui stood up and bowed to Xiao Jin.

Xiao Jin said, "No need for formalities."

The housemaids served tea and water, then quietly withdrew.

Xie Zhui approached Xiao Shan and said, "Your Highness, I'll have the kitchen staff prepare some food."

It was clear from Xiao Jin's expression that he wasn't looking his best, and he likely wanted some time alone with Xiao Shan. Knowing it was time for heartfelt brotherly talk, Xie Zhui found it appropriate to make an excuse to leave.

Xiao Shan smiled and nodded, then coughed lightly and lowered his voice, "I'll personally grill some and have it sent to you later."

Xie Zhui responded with a soft "mhm," then bowed from a distance to Xiao Jin before turning to leave.

Xiao Jin instructed Chang An to withdraw, leaving the large courtyard to just the two brothers.

Xiao Shan walked over to the grill, spread the charcoal evenly, and then turned the skewers of meat that were already grilling.

The sizzling sound of the oil dripping onto the charcoal caused the flames to flare up and then die down.

Seeing Xiao Shan's skilled movements, Xiao Jin stepped forward, took two skewers, and clumsily turned them, saying, "You really know how to come up with ideas. Skewering the meat makes it much more convenient."

"At home, it's not as convenient as outside where we can roast an entire lamb. The chefs in the kitchen came up with this method when they heard we wanted to grill some meat," Xiao Shan explained.

Xiao Jin replied, "If you hadn't wanted to eat it, they wouldn't have thought of a solution. Ultimately, it all comes down to you."

"You're right, Second Brother. The idea was all mine," Xiao Shan readily agreed, then added, "The two skewers in your hand are done. Quickly, sprinkle some seasoning on them..."

The heat from the fire was intense, and the smoke, blown by the wind, made their eyes uncomfortable and teary.

Squinting, Xiao Jin clumsily sprinkled seasoning on the skewers.

His application was uneven, with some areas getting too much and others too little, and some seasoning even fell into the fire, burning up.

However, grilling meat was a skill that improved with practice. Before long, Xiao Jin became more adept and naturally avoided the direction of the wind to prevent the smoke from stinging his eyes.

Xiao Shan's first batch of skewers was ready, so he called Ji An to deliver them to Xie Zhui, ensuring he could eat them while they were hot.

The remaining skewers were slowly grilled by Xiao Shan and Xiao Jin.

By the time they finished, the kitchen had also prepared the rest of the meal. With the lanterns lit, the two brothers decided to eat and drink in the courtyard.

While washing his hands, Xiao Shan noticed black smudges on Xiao Jin's cheeks, forehead, and sleeves. He couldn't help but laugh. Xiao Jin, who always paid the utmost attention to etiquette and whose clothes were never even wrinkled, had certainly broken his usual standards today.

The usually refined face now had a touch of childlike charm.

Seeing Xiao Shan laugh so heartily, Xiao Jin felt an itch in his nose and couldn't help but rub it again, adding another black smudge to his nose.

Xiao Shan laughed even more.

Xiao Jin, seeing him so amused, couldn't help but smile as well. He said, "Your face isn't clean either, so don't laugh at me."

Xiao Shan nodded repeatedly, his laughter subsiding but the smile on his face remained undiminished.

Xiao Jin continued to smile at him, making Xiao Shan feel a bit uneasy.

After a while, Xiao Shan coughed lightly and said, "Alright, Second Brother, let's wash our hands quickly before the food gets cold."

The two of them washed their faces and then sat down, each starting with the meat they had grilled themselves.

To be honest, some of the meat was burnt and didn't taste very good.

But there were also perfectly grilled pieces that were especially flavorful.

Xiao Jin drank large gulps of wine, clearly intending to get drunk, and Xiao Shan didn't stop him at first.

He knew Xiao Jin's drinking capacity and kept an eye on him, occasionally urging him to eat some food to avoid upsetting his stomach from drinking on an empty stomach.

When it seemed enough, Xiao Shan took the wine away and said, "Second Brother, that's enough."

Xiao Jin's cheeks were flushed, and he half-closed his eyes, saying, "I'm not drunk yet."

Xiao Shan said, "It's not about whether you're drunk or not; you have to attend court tomorrow morning. Drinking too much will give you a headache the next day."

Xiao Jin laughed, "I came here to relax. Do I still have to think about court matters at a time like this?"

Xiao Shan replied, "You don't need to think about those things, but you can't drink any more. Drinking too much will harm your health."

Xiao Jin looked at him, then averted his gaze and murmured an acknowledgment.

That night, having drunk quite a bit, Xiao Jin stayed overnight at Prince Li's residence.

Xiao Shan initially wanted to send him back to the Eastern Palace, but Xiao Jin was unwilling.

With no other choice, Xiao Shan let him stay.

Xiao Shan helped him to a guest room to rest.

Xiao Jin's behavior when drunk was actually very good. Even if he drank too much, he wouldn't make a fuss or talk excessively. He remained very calm, making it hard to tell whether he was drunk or sober.

However, when Xiao Shan placed him on the bed, Xiao Jin, with his eyes closed, suddenly spoke, "Third Brother, I..." but he couldn't finish the sentence.

He had tried his best to do everything right, but it still seemed futile.

Xiao Shan looked at him and sighed, "Second Brother, I don't know what's troubling you, but it's always been difficult to have everything go perfectly. This is how I see it: you are the Crown Prince, and following Father Emperor's way of doing things can't be wrong. Overthinking is of no benefit; just let things take their course."

"In court, you need to have the ability to intimidate the ministers so they don't overreach. In the harem, you need the skill to manage the concubines, reducing many sordid affairs. You may not achieve perfection in everything, but at least you can maintain political clarity and peace throughout the land."

Xiao Shan understood the unspoken words of Xiao Jin.

So he said, being an emperor or a crown prince was exhausting.

But once a person is in that position, they have no choice but to endure the fatigue.

What he could do was always keep his doors open for Xiao Jin whenever he wanted to come and drink.

After that, Xiao Jin didn't say anything more.

Xiao Shan also didn't say anything else. He only got up and left once Xiao Jin's breathing became long and steady.

He left Ji An to watch over him, as he didn't trust anyone else.

When Xiao Shan returned to his quarters, Xie Zhui was leaning against the headboard, reading a book.

He didn't like reading poetry, etiquette books, or novels; he preferred military strategy texts.

When Xiao Shan returned, Xie Zhui put away his book and prepared to help Xiao Shan remove his outer garments.

Xiao Shan quickly said, "I can do it myself. You go ahead and sleep. I'll take a quick bath."

Xie Zhui responded with a nod.

Xiao Shan hadn't been drinking, so he finished his bath quickly.

He got into bed, pulled Xie Zhui into his arms, and kissed the corner of his mouth.

Xie Zhui leaned into his embrace, rubbing his leg against Xiao Shan's body.

Xiao Shan felt a surge of heat through his body, and he lowered his head to nibble on Xie Zhui's neck.

At some point, Xie Zhui's eyes half-closed, tears glistening at the corners. He looked at the swaying, blurry bed curtains and called out Xiao Shan's name, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

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